Abe Lincoln's Crazy Wife

The Crud and the Crazy

Okay, I admit it... I've always had a little crush on Abraham Lincoln. 

 Weird, I know. I mean, if he were alive he would be 210 years old.

        I don't mind a man that's a little older, but that's a little steep.
I have a love for all things Revolutionary War, but my love mostly settles on the Civil War era. And Abey-baby is "my guy".
    I don't know why I feel a connection to that particular time in history, but if reincarnation is a thing, then my guess would be that I lived during that time. I seem to have such deep grieving when I look at the pictures of the battlefields, and think about the loss of Lincoln.  When I visited Washington D.C., everywhere I went that was related to Lincoln or the Civil War, I was incredibly excited, and yet deeply grieved at the same time. I don't feel that way about any other periods in history or icons that have been lost in time.
    So I have a little collection of books and items that are related to that time. And I have sketched and painted Lincoln. And it all means so much to me.

 By Shelly Livingston
2017

 But I digress....
  My family has heard me joke about Abe's crazy-ass wife, Mary Todd Lincoln, and that if I were living in the Civil War days I would walk right up to the doors of the White House (which you could do back then), knock on the giant, white doors, ask to see the President, then seduce him with my whit, calm, and strength.
Then I'd throw Crazy Mary out, and Abe would get the sweet love he deserved.   
   I've always felt that she wasn't worthy of his love or devotion. He already had the weight of building a united and free nation on his shoulders, with men dying on his watch every day. And it was a weight he carried heavily, even battling depression himself.

And here she was throwing public tantrums, was considered coarse and pretentious, spent big money on decor for the White House and knew "retail therapy" well. She would even buy expensive jewelry and clothing "on credit" (the girl liked her charge cards) and she would hide the bills from her HUSBAND (The PRESIDENT...). She couldn't handle the social responsibilities at the White House, had extreme mood swings, depression, and was well known for her fierce temper.

 
What was up with that Mary?

Well, the facts are, that psychiatrists believe that Mary may have suffered from bi-polar disorder.
And although everything I listed above is absolutely true, there are other things I should mention about "my 210 year old guys" wife.
    ~She was very well educated.
    ~Went to finishing school.
    ~Lincoln loved her wit and her intelligence.
   ~ She was a staunch supporter of her husband's Union beliefs even though she grew up in a Confederate home (three of her brothers were even fighting in the Confederate Army).
    ~Three of her 4 children died before she did.
      Eddie (4 years old), Willie. (12), and Tad (18),
    ~She was injured in a buggy accident while Lincoln was President so she had continuous migraines that plagued her for the rest of her life.
    ~Her husband was getting death threats almost daily and did not have Secret Service like Presidents have now. Like I said, the White House had a mostly open door policy.
 

White House 1865

    So I've got to cut "Crazy-ass Mary" a little slack here.
And probably even stop calling her that.

____________________________
 
     Last week my husband and I found ourselves in a situation where one of us did something pretty bad. Now if it were me who did said bad thing, you know I'd be telling you about it because I have no shame and would use every moment as a teaching moment. But this one were going to keep private for now. (No, he didn't cheat on me, so don't let your imaginations go wild)...
    Let's just say this... it has been really tough to get over.
But when we are in a relationship (of any kind) sometimes you have to put up with some crud. You DON'T have to put up with the abusive crud, but I'm not talking about that kind of crud. I am talking about the momentarily insane kind of crud, and sometimes it's not even momentary. It can be ongoing, like mine and Crazy Mary's kind of crud (Trying to stop calling her that, really I am...).
    I have been fighting menopausal depression for months now. I'm not mean and ugly, nor do I go on spending sprees like Crazy Mary (sorry Mary, old habits die hard), but my husband has had to be so patient, loving, and encouraging.     
    The fact is, we love one another. and have made a decision to put up with one another's CRUD and CRAZY. We get upset, sure. We sometimes have to take a few moments to gather ourselves so we don't say something in anger, and other times we have to just get it all out. We're not perfect.
    But the big part of it is that we love each other and that we have made a commitment to always Love and always "do and not try" in our relationship.

     Bottom Line: Sometimes we have to put up with it when our spouse goes 

a little crazy.

My Guy Lincoln loved his crazy wife Mary. In an antebellum speech in 1858 Lincoln once said, "A house divided against itself cannot stand", which may have not only been in reference to the state of the country but his marriage as well. But in spite of it all,  he still stuck with her.
    I am sure it couldn't have been easy for him, but he did.
      Love. If  you back it up with unwavering commitment, and a lot of work, it can make you stick together. Abraham and Mary went through so much together with the loss of their children, and the strain of the Civil War. I cannot even imagine what dear Mary endured inside of her mind and heart having to go through all of that. She had a probable mental illness, depression, continuous migraines, lost two of her children, watched her husband get shot in the head, then a mere 6 years after that, lost yet another one of her sons.
 
The fact is, I am pretty darn sure I'd be crazy too.

I still dig "my Lincoln guy", and will always have a little crush on the 210 year old man.
And his wife, Mary, was crazy. But he loved her. He loved her so much. And that's a beautiful lesson for us all. So here is what I offer you today and what Abraham and (crazy) Mary Lincoln are still teaching us from the grave:

Deal with the crud, love anyway.  

And to all of you Beautiful people who have read this far, please make comments so we know how you're liking our Blog.  

We would love that, anyway... 

Shelly Livingston

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