Stories From the Funeral Home- Part 1

    When I was a young girl of probably 7 or 8 years old, I used to sneak into the den of our house and pull out the "Wild West" books and the "Best of Life" books and study them. I was so curious about the world outside of my little happy bubble. The visions of JFK's shooting, Billy the Kid, and hippies putting flowers in the rifles, peaked my curiosity and helped open my eyes to a world that seemed almost unreal.
    But most of all I would try to find the dead people.
    I would look into their eyes and wonder where they went. Their eyes were so empty as if the lights were on but no one was home. It intrigued me. The odd part about it was that it didn't scare me. I would have anxiety over cartoons if the characters were yelling, or if the character was going to get into trouble. I would have anxiety if I couldn't find my Holly Hobbie doll... But I could spend time looking at dead people and wondering where they went, and would never be afraid.
    Then my dad was dying of cancer. I was 28 and pregnant with my third child. He decided that he wanted to pre-plan his funeral, in spite of our misgivings about him accepting his impending death. I sat there and watched to whole process, painfully, but thought, "I want to do this someday"...
   Years later I was 44 and living in Los Angeles. I needed a job and had the epiphany to apply at a funeral home, and got the job.  I worked at this wonderful funeral home in Burbank off and on (mostly on) for over three years. Then here in the Bay area for 2 years. My time in Burbank was far more fun than here. I got to work directly with grieving families, help set up their celebration services, take first calls, write out death certificates, sell pre-arrangements, make sure their deceased loved one looked alive, and (since I am a minister) was able to do a great deal of grief counseling.
   In spite of all the grief, pain and suffering, I was at home in that business. It was my calling. And in order to get through it all, there was a certain amount of comedy relief that had to happen.
   But please understand this... Those that handle your loved ones don't think it's funny. They don't laugh at you or your loved ones behind the scenes.
   But some funny shit did happen. So here is the first of the many funny and odd things that happened during my time at the funeral home.

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    I was helping a family during their service. It was an older lady in her early 70's. She had been made up in our Care Center, but once the deceased got under our particular lights, sometimes the coloring would change and I would have to adjust the make-up to help make them look like they were just sleeping. This woman, in particular, though, was not embalmed. We had to be very careful with the make-up we did do because the body continues to break down after it has passed away. So the skin is very difficult to make up. You have to be careful not to pull the skin away.
    She looked beautiful in her red suit. The advantage to an un-embalmed body was that the deceased (if they didn't have bruising from illness) looked very much like they are alive and just sleeping. Embalming is great for preservation but can sometimes add an element of hardness to a face and hands. With being un-embalmed and the body breaking down, there can also be some odor. So I lit lots of candles, sprayed perfume on her, and with the fragrance of the flowers, we were good to go.
    They family was very happy with the way she looked. It really did look like she was just taking a nap in her casket. The services were going along just fine and I was sitting on the couch with one of the family members offering comfort, when the deceased woman's niece and nephew came up to me looking terrified.
    "Shelly... we need to talk to you", they said with urgency. So we stepped away and they continued, "My Aunt is breathing!!!!!"...
    Okay, okay... I spent the afternoon with her, touching up her makeup, talking to her (yes, I would talk to the dead people), and knew that the woman was, in fact, dead. But again, the difficulties with un-embalmed bodies is that their body is still trying to figure out that it is dead. And can have muscle twitches, move limbs, and from what I have heard, can even sit up.
    So I wasn't sure what I was going to see as I approached her casket. I had to stay calm for the niece and nephew as to not upset other family members.
I HAD TO MAINTAIN MY COMPOSURE AND INNER PANIC.
    I approached her casket and in fact, her diaphragm was making a rolling motion. It did look like she was breathing. It was so freaking creepy.
   I had always wondered if one day I would experience someone who looked like they were just sleeping, suddenly sit up and say, "Hey, what's the party all about?". But that was not the case (nor did I ever see that, obviously. That one would be my first story)....
    But she did looked like she was breathing. By then a few other family members had noticed what we were looking at and so I had to calmly gather the small group to the side and explain that her body was breaking down, and the gasses can build up and move and roll around, giving the appearance of life where there was none.
   I kept a close watch of her the rest of the service. All I needed was for her to sit up or for some of the toxins and gasses to suddenly come out of her orifices (yes, it happens and it's kinda gross)...
But all was well.
     I went through the very painful task of closing the casket at the end of the service (this can be very difficult for family as they know they will never see their loved one again). And I took a huge breath of relief once it was done. My job had turned from taking care of the family, to making sure another person didn't think she was alive, or kiss her too hard and mash her face, or press on her belly.
She was finally at rest. Her body was still trying to make sense of it, but she was.

Lessons for you Dear one... Never cause a panic at a funeral service.
And never press on the belly of an un-embalmed person. Never.

Shelly Livingston
Life Creates Art
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