Stories from the Funeral Home-Part 3

Talking to the Dead

    Okay, so the title, "Talking to the Dead".... Might be a little misleading. They didn't verbally talk back. The title wasn't "Conversing Back and Forth with the Dead".  I didn't have any fancy "Ghost Adventures" equipment, although I wish I had. I could still feel some of them there. Lingering.
   __________________________________________________________________
 

   When I came into work and there was a dearly departed loved one in the chapel, I would always go and introduce myself, say Hello and let them know what we were going to do. Sometimes I had to touch up their make-up, and make sure the chapel was spotless for the service. Raquel, my co-worker with the ever beautiful and generous soul, was (and is) a Funeral Arranger at the funeral home. Sometimes we would set the services up together, and sometimes I would be flying solo while she worked with other families.
    I was alone a lot with the deceased.
    I was never afraid of being alone with the them. In fact, the only time I would experience anxiety was when I would turn off all the lights and walk down the stairs from the office to exit the funeral home late at night. And I always found it odd that the only supernatural thing that my boss told me about was when he would be there late at night, he would often hear footsteps coming up the stairs. What was it with the stairs?

    But other than that, I was never afraid nor creeped out by anything (well, there was one time, but that's another story). I never witnesses anything wildly supernatural happen at the funeral home. It always just felt like the souls that came through there only lingered while their mortal husks were there and then they left, off to wherever our souls go after we die.
    During the day, if we had someone in our chapel, it meant that there was a lot of preparation to be done to make the deceased, and the service ready. Sometimes though there weren't any big services but just a few family members coming to spend the last few moments with their loved one. Either way, an immense amount of care had to be taken. And as I would prepare, I would talk to the deceased as if they were still there and we were just getting ready for the party in their honor.
   One afternoon, I was in the chapel preparing for a service of a Veteran. His casket was open and I had to change out a few lights. I was chatting with him and letting him know what I was doing. Then I asked him to hold a case with a light bulb for me. I laid it to the side of him (by his arms) and went on changing lights. I was finished with that task and getting the ladder put away when the family came in.
What I didn't realize was that he was still "holding" the box with the light for me.

   A mistake I would soon regret. They came in with my boss to find their loved one with the small box in his casket and asked what it was. I told them that I had asked him to hold a light bulb for me. My boss and a couple of the family members looked concerned, which upset me greatly. I was incredibly embarrassed by the mistake! I didn't want the family to ever think that I was just callously laying stuff in their loved ones casket for convenience.
    Of course, I quickly removed it and apologized profusely.
Then one of the family members pulled me aside, held my arms and said, "It's okay Shelly. After he left the military he did a lot of handyman work for people, and it included electrical. If he had been alive, he would have gladly held the light bulb for you".
    That made me feel a little better. Only a little. Because afterward I got a harsh scolding from my boss and of course, never asked a dead person to hold anything for me again.
   __________________________________________________________________

A part of my job was to be present at the services and assist the families with whatever they needed. I would hand out service folders, make sure everyone signed the guest book, play any songs or videos they needed during the services, make sure that there was coffee and that everything stayed clean and tidy, I would also check on the family members and asked them if there was anything they needed. This sometimes led to impromptu counseling sessions.
   About every 15-20 minutes, I would check on the deceased to make sure their clothes and make-up were still in good order (grieving loved ones can sometimes mess up hair and clothing). When I would do my "check-ins" with their loved one, I would always talk to them and see how they were doing and let them know how loved they were.
    At the end of some of the services, the family would want to witness me closing the casket. This was a very emotional task. It had to be done right: Moving the flowers, folding the fabric inside the casket and making sure the lid didn't slam shut. They family would usually gather around close so I had developed routine to make sure everything was done with perfection, grace and a whole lot of love. Just as the casket was about to close, I would, out loud, wish the dearly departed a fond farewell. "Safe journeys", I would say.
    After everyone would leave the services, it was just me and the deceased in the funeral home. I had tasks to do for clean up and was always conversing with them if I was in their vicinity.
   I was often sad about leaving them alone. But I had to go home and they had would spend the night in the peaceful funeral home preparing for their next step in the process of saying goodbye.
    I believe that the energy, essence, or soul of the person lingered with them for a while. At least until the family said goodbye.

   So I am slightly goofy lady that would hang out with the dead and talk to them, comfort them and let them know what was happening. To me, they were just sleeping. And I believe they heard every word I was saying to them.

 They all answered me back- just not with words.

Lessons: Talk to the deceased. Be sensitive to their spirit.
     Just don't ask them to hold anything for you...


Shelly Livingston
"Life Creates Art"
YouTuber, Blogger, Minister, Wife, Mom and Chick that Talks to the Dead

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Stories From the Funeral Home- Part 2

"Kids, Food and Penis Funerals"

    At many funerals, often comes very big families, a ton of food (sometimes booze) and children. They gathered together to pray, say their goodbyes, grieve and celebrate the life of their loved one.

Mind you, having a zillion people at a funeral is not a bad thing, as the family gets an incredible amount of support, and you get to hear lots of different stories about the deceased loved one. Plus the food is usually homemade, plentiful, and full of a variety of comfort foods to ease the pain.

   At the funeral home in Burbank, for a family who just lost a loved one, it was a perfect place to spend the last hours with their loved one. We did only one funeral at a time and the families could just take over the place. It became their home for a few hours to celebrate and mourn their loved one with family. In some cases, if there was a visitation, a rosary and a service, they would be there for 6-8 hours. I loved the longer services as it gave me more time to get to know the families and hear honoring stories about the deceased. 

    We had a wide array of ethnicity, but the funerals that were always packed with loud people, food and kids, were the Hispanic, Italian and Filipino services. Those services could get down right nutsy.  We didn't allow alcohol inside of the funeral home, but that didn't mean they weren't drinking.  There were times where I had to be in the parking lot after a service cleaning up beer cans, bottles of  tequila/vodka and cigarette butts that didn't make it into the fancy dispenser. People attempting to numb the pain of having to walk in to a funeral home and see their dead loved one, I suppose. 

One time I was watching over the service of someone who had a great deal of police family and friends. I saw a few people bringing alcohol into the funeral home and had to insist that they remove it- or go bring the party outside.

   I was a wreck! I could have gotten into so much trouble for that or even lose my job! Then in walks two police officers in their uniforms there to pay their respects. They approached me and told me that they would take responsibility for the alcohol and anyone who was in attendance. They were insistent, and I felt so uncomfortable for the entire service. I hated that feeling, and eventually had to close down the funeral home "party" so that I could clean up and get home. It's not easy telling drunk, grieving people that they have gone well passed their allotted time in the funeral home and they have to leave.

    Then there was the food. HUGE spreads of homemade deliciousness! A feast for a King or Queen! Tamales, Spanish rice, beans, salads, enchiladas, egg rolls, fried rice, cookies, brownies, cakes...(drooling) 

    I was never "allowed" to eat the food, of course. I wasn't there to eat, but to serve the family. But usually about 3 people at the service always insisted that I "get a plate". It was an odd feeling of embarrassment being the funeral home lady and eating their food, but some (usually the Filipino families) would stand by me, insistent, until I filled a plate with their grieving comfort food. It was almost like going to a foreign country and having food placed in front of you when you don't really want to eat- but to NOT eat would be offensive to them. So I stuffed myself with their homemade egg rolls, rice and brownies. After a while, I just stopped eating my dinner because I knew I would be offered food. I wasn't going to say no. I am sure I owe a few pounds to those packed plates. 

    With these large families came lots of children. And if it was an open casket (and being a mother of 5 myself),  I was especially in-tune with them, trying to keep them happy and distracted. I had a drawer with coloring pages and tons of crayons for them and often ended up sitting in the front office with a group of kids coloring with them. I felt responsible for their emotional well being. Services could go on for hours and these kids got bored. I gladly became the funeral home babysitter for some services.

    One night at a funeral for a Hispanic grandmother, I was in and out of the side office where we kept our sound equipment.  It was right next to the chapel where the services were being held and I was changing out the music for special songs they wanted to play. I found two women with their children on the floor changing their babies diapers. There was a slew of other children in there as well and they were really noisy.

   It was a particularly quiet part of the service.

   I made sure the door was closed behind me and changed the song. I turned around and chatted quietly with the ladies. Then this sweet little boy (probably 3 1/2 years old) asked one of the ladies changing a diaper (the baby naked and getting cleaned), "why does she look like that?". We all knew what he was asking as he pointed very directly to her little girl parts... So the lady gently explained that the baby was "a little girl and didn't have parts like him". 

He stood up and thought for just a second. 

Then... the door swung open as someone else was coming in the office/baby changing area. At that very moment the little boy threw his arms high up in the air and yelled (at the TOP of his lungs), "YEAH! I HAVE A PENIS!!".

    In an instant we all looked at one another with panic in our eyes, and then outside the door to hear the very quiet grieving people erupt in laughter.  "Yes Mijo, you have a penis" the woman said through terror-filled laughter. 

    It was the talk of the service afterwards.

The celebration and grief of this woman's life was lightened that day with a little boy's discovery and celebration of his penis. May we all be so celebratory of our uniqueness. 

From the mouths of babes...

Shelly Livingston

"Life Creates Art"

YouTuber, Minister, and Former Funeral Home lady.

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Stories From the Funeral Home- Part 1

    When I was a young girl of probably 7 or 8 years old, I used to sneak into the den of our house and pull out the "Wild West" books and the "Best of Life" books and study them. I was so curious about the world outside of my little happy bubble. The visions of JFK's shooting, Billy the Kid, and hippies putting flowers in the rifles, peaked my curiosity and helped open my eyes to a world that seemed almost unreal.
    But most of all I would try to find the dead people.
    I would look into their eyes and wonder where they went. Their eyes were so empty as if the lights were on but no one was home. It intrigued me. The odd part about it was that it didn't scare me. I would have anxiety over cartoons if the characters were yelling, or if the character was going to get into trouble. I would have anxiety if I couldn't find my Holly Hobbie doll... But I could spend time looking at dead people and wondering where they went, and would never be afraid.
    Then my dad was dying of cancer. I was 28 and pregnant with my third child. He decided that he wanted to pre-plan his funeral, in spite of our misgivings about him accepting his impending death. I sat there and watched to whole process, painfully, but thought, "I want to do this someday"...
   Years later I was 44 and living in Los Angeles. I needed a job and had the epiphany to apply at a funeral home, and got the job.  I worked at this wonderful funeral home in Burbank off and on (mostly on) for over three years. Then here in the Bay area for 2 years. My time in Burbank was far more fun than here. I got to work directly with grieving families, help set up their celebration services, take first calls, write out death certificates, sell pre-arrangements, make sure their deceased loved one looked alive, and (since I am a minister) was able to do a great deal of grief counseling.
   In spite of all the grief, pain and suffering, I was at home in that business. It was my calling. And in order to get through it all, there was a certain amount of comedy relief that had to happen.
   But please understand this... Those that handle your loved ones don't think it's funny. They don't laugh at you or your loved ones behind the scenes.
   But some funny shit did happen. So here is the first of the many funny and odd things that happened during my time at the funeral home.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    I was helping a family during their service. It was an older lady in her early 70's. She had been made up in our Care Center, but once the deceased got under our particular lights, sometimes the coloring would change and I would have to adjust the make-up to help make them look like they were just sleeping. This woman, in particular, though, was not embalmed. We had to be very careful with the make-up we did do because the body continues to break down after it has passed away. So the skin is very difficult to make up. You have to be careful not to pull the skin away.
    She looked beautiful in her red suit. The advantage to an un-embalmed body was that the deceased (if they didn't have bruising from illness) looked very much like they are alive and just sleeping. Embalming is great for preservation but can sometimes add an element of hardness to a face and hands. With being un-embalmed and the body breaking down, there can also be some odor. So I lit lots of candles, sprayed perfume on her, and with the fragrance of the flowers, we were good to go.
    They family was very happy with the way she looked. It really did look like she was just taking a nap in her casket. The services were going along just fine and I was sitting on the couch with one of the family members offering comfort, when the deceased woman's niece and nephew came up to me looking terrified.
    "Shelly... we need to talk to you", they said with urgency. So we stepped away and they continued, "My Aunt is breathing!!!!!"...
    Okay, okay... I spent the afternoon with her, touching up her makeup, talking to her (yes, I would talk to the dead people), and knew that the woman was, in fact, dead. But again, the difficulties with un-embalmed bodies is that their body is still trying to figure out that it is dead. And can have muscle twitches, move limbs, and from what I have heard, can even sit up.
    So I wasn't sure what I was going to see as I approached her casket. I had to stay calm for the niece and nephew as to not upset other family members.
I HAD TO MAINTAIN MY COMPOSURE AND INNER PANIC.
    I approached her casket and in fact, her diaphragm was making a rolling motion. It did look like she was breathing. It was so freaking creepy.
   I had always wondered if one day I would experience someone who looked like they were just sleeping, suddenly sit up and say, "Hey, what's the party all about?". But that was not the case (nor did I ever see that, obviously. That one would be my first story)....
    But she did looked like she was breathing. By then a few other family members had noticed what we were looking at and so I had to calmly gather the small group to the side and explain that her body was breaking down, and the gasses can build up and move and roll around, giving the appearance of life where there was none.
   I kept a close watch of her the rest of the service. All I needed was for her to sit up or for some of the toxins and gasses to suddenly come out of her orifices (yes, it happens and it's kinda gross)...
But all was well.
     I went through the very painful task of closing the casket at the end of the service (this can be very difficult for family as they know they will never see their loved one again). And I took a huge breath of relief once it was done. My job had turned from taking care of the family, to making sure another person didn't think she was alive, or kiss her too hard and mash her face, or press on her belly.
She was finally at rest. Her body was still trying to make sense of it, but she was.

Lessons for you Dear one... Never cause a panic at a funeral service.
And never press on the belly of an un-embalmed person. Never.

Shelly Livingston
Life Creates Art
Check us out on YouTube!

How many Times Should you Say "I Love You"?

Shelly here...
How many times should you say, "I love you"?
                       To your partner.
                                To your sons and daughters.
                                                     To you parents.
                                                                 To your grandparents.
                                 2 times a day? 3 times a day? 5? 6? 10?
There are so many different ways to say, "I love you" besides with your voice.
Show respect.
Be polite.
Speak with a kind and gentle voice.
Communicate.
Say "Hello", greet them with a smile and a hug when they walk in the door.
Touch them on the shoulder and let them know it's going to be okay.
Hug them, tightly.
Listen to them.
Give them a compliment.
Say thank you in a heartfelt way.
Look at them when you speak to them.
Make them a gift.
Buy them a gift.
Write a love letter.
Write a positive note on a sticky note and hang it someplace unexpected.
Smile at them.
Help them with dinner.
Help with dishes.
Call them.
At the very least, Text them.
Laugh at their jokes.
Make time for them.
Spend time with them.
Again, Call them (yes, I wrote it again... especially call your mother...)
Ask them to dance right in the living room.
Kiss them.
Comfort them if they are feeling down.
Give foot rubs and neck massages.
Check on them.
Ask them how they are.
Show them you care.
Ask them if they need anything.
Surprise them with a dinner out, a picnic, a show, or just a walk on the beach...
For partners: Light a couple of candles in the room before it's "lovin' time".
                      Take your time to make sure your partner is satisfied and happy.
                       Talk to and hold your partner after love making.
Do a lot of these every day.
     Plus, say "I love you".
In the morning.
Before they leave.
On the phone.
By text.
Throughout the day.
And don't go to sleep without uttering the words.

Life is so precious. And it goes so quickly. All of the people you love- tell them, show them.

Shelly Livingston
Please join me at  "Life Creates Art" on YouTube
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Adobe Creative Cloud Apps - Adobe Rush vs Premiere Pro from a Newbie Perspective

State of the Channel 8/27/2019
My current video flow with Adobe Creative Cloud


My wife and I started our YouTube channel Life Creates Art back in April of 2019 and put out our first video in the beginning of May.  With our first video on Beginner Sketching Basics, we crammed in as many things as we could possibly imagine.  We had no idea how to do all of this but we knew that we had a passion for creating something new.

In that first nearly 30 minute video, we talked about Right & Left Brained Sketching, started a series called Life Molding, and started a sketch.  On this video, I learned how to work with Premiere Rush and edit together a video that included an intro, a theme sequence and even some bloopers.

I enjoyed using Rush. From the easy editing, to the already scripted text, it was super easy to get into and edit.  I was able to add elements and with special BETA access, adjust the speed of the video.  Yes, it was limited.  Eventually, I'd get an idea that I wouldn't be able to do.  I'd add elements and run out of tracks.  The noise reduction was still pretty darn good.  But we still needed to get lapel microphones to improve our sound.  At least the air conditioner was reduced!  Rush became familiar and the simplicity of it was very welcome. However, I knew I'd need to move to Premiere Pro eventually.  I knew there would be another learning curve.  I just got pretty good at Rush and our videos kept coming.  I was happy with my workflow that I invented.  But I didn't need to edit video on my iPad.  But I knew that my days with Rush were limited if I wanted to push my editing further to where I know my vision would be.  So far, Creative Cloud has been worth it to me.

Premiere Rush

I wonder if you can tell exactly where we made the change to Premiere Pro?  If you know video transitions, you can see cube spin transitions in one of our videos. I also move text in and out of frame.  I realize the rule that states "just because you can doesn't mean you should" exists here but hey, I had some new tools.  I need to learn them and use them.

With the change to Pro, it allowed me access to the entire suite of Adobe software and it was overwhelming.  I was dying for more fiddling with our audio and with the ability to open Audition from inside Pro, I was off and running.  Eliminating the air conditioner on a slider basis and even being able to eliminate a ringing cell phone was so cool.  The auto correct brush could also take out unwanted sounds from an audience but I'd need much more practice to get it right and not take down the entire audio.  But being able to SEE the audio was cool in of itself.  Finally my PC looked like I was actually working on something cool.  Like those trade magazines from the 80's or 90's with the graphs and charts on the screen.  Look mom!  I'm doing homework on my PC!  Throw in Premiere Pro's lumetri color display and it really looks like I know what I'm doing.

Premiere Pro Lumetri Scopes

I also finally got access to Photoshop.  I'd actually been creating thumbnails on Rush, by just finding a screen and adding in the text.  Not the best way to go, but when you are limited, you find a way. There are cheaper ways to go but from the beginning, I made a decision that I'd be going with Adobe.  Probably not the cheapest decision, but we had other things we wanted to think about.

I also started using Bridge but I still find myself in file explorer because for some reason, Bridge just takes awhile to move files around.   Most all of our video comes in on an SD card and is transferred directly to my PC.  And I haven't quite gotten the hang of all the shortcuts in all these programs.  I'm sure I'm doing things the hard way.  I made my way through some training for Pro but haven't found the time to run through it again.

Now, I'm mostly focused on keeping consistent.  I'm not doing wild transitions for each cut.  I enjoy moving pictures around as practice for whatever pops in my mind for later on.  I also have access to After Effects but I'm not there yet.  I've got plenty to keep me busy for the time being and we are more focused on putting out video than creating something with splash.  There are just not that many that I have to impress at this point.  I've almost settled into a workflow that has settled for the time being.

First, I bring in the video and audio.  I sync them and then I edit all the audio in Audition.  I clean it all up and then take it back into Pro.  I mute the audio from the camera.  Then I start cutting out the pieces that really need cutting.  Those bits before we start and after we are done. No need for you all to see us hit "Record" or talking to ourselves..  Then I take out the 1st take.  Maybe save a bit for a blooper at the end if it's good.  Then I put on the wording I know I'll need at the beginning & end.  By then, I'm ready to actually watch the video. Screen shots are just for illustration.  Not the actual process.  But below you can see Audition.  Isn't it pretty?

Adobe Audition

Sometimes, Shelly has seen it and approves cuts from the rough cut.  But any cutting is up to me unless there is a point being made that can't be cut.  While I can cut out 'er's and um's", I don't normally unless it really flows without it.  Pro cuts so seamlessly compared to Rush, that it does help if you do cut and you can hardly tell.  From cutting, I add more still pictures and music if there is an intro.  To that I add wording, if there's a list of items being covered or I have time for a comic commentary.  That depends on the subject and if a certain cat walks by.

Adobe Premiere Pro

After I take at least one pass through the whole video, Shelly comes in for a last look and final approval.  Here's where my attitude comes in.  At this point, I've spent several hours on it and I sometimes get the "I'm done" attitude.  While an editor could theoretically edit forever, the show must go on and you must upload.  Any final changes are discussed and then added to the cut.  From there, the video is rendered and uploaded to YouTube.  Lately, we have been working on tags and thinking of thumbnails before this process.  When we started, these items were a last minute addition.  While we knew they were important, it was tough to put much effort into them.  Using Rush as a thumbnail generator held me back but it worked.

Adobe Premiere Pro

So that is a quick rundown of our process as it is right now.  I'm looking forward to updating this blog as we change even more and we figure more stuff out.  The main lesson we learned through all this is to just put out content. Even if it sounds bad and you have a bad camera.  You will figure out ways to make it better. Even if it is just one thing that gets better per video, that's a step in the right direction.  Unless you are a celebrity with a big following, you have time to bring your game up to speed.

-Jason

75895 1974 Porsche 911 Turbo 3.0

Today's post is about LEGO.  Specifically, the Speed Champions 75895 1974 Porsche 911 Turbo 3.0 that came out in the summer of 2019 here in the U.S. Ever since I saw that forest green Porsche in The Big Chill, I've always like Porsche's.  Of course, when I had the chance to own a sports car, I went in the BMW direction instead of Porsche but that's another story.  No, my future Porsche's will be LEGO for the time being.  And this one fits right in as far as price goes.  No, it doesn't have the awesomeness of the technic 42056 Porsche 911 GT3 RS, but it's also not $300!

This one is white and is super affordable.  I'm hoping to get at least 2.  I also have bold plans to buy different colors.  But there are a few pieces that I may not be able to find in forest green.  Notably, the Technic piece that holds up the headlight.  But I may be able to get close.  I haven't priced out an all black version but it will probably run slightly higher than the white model.  Yes, a nearly identical model came out in a light green only last year ago.  75888 Porsche 911 RSR and 911 Turbo 3.0 is still available and is pretty cheap on Amazon.  I never bothered with it since the green wasn't to my taste and I don't like spending that kind of cash just for one car.

I'm looking at you 75889 Ferrari Ultimate Garage.  The 1962 Ferrari 250 GTO is the Ferrari I want. I have a really hard time paying that as an adult for all the extra play set stuff.  Or, diorama if you will.  I am an AFOL after all.  Anyway, if and when I build other colors, here is the place I'll be posting them.  Until then, clear off that desk and keep building!

As always check out our YouTube Channel Life Creates Art!

-Jason

How I Start an Abstract Portrait in Acrylic -How working at a funeral ho...

New Video!  Check it out!  Shelly talks about how working at a funeral home helped her paint abstract portraits.  Also a time lapse sequence! 

How Artists Manage Their Time - Best Time Management Strategies for the ...

How Artists Manage Their Time - We put this one out a couple months back but I really want to revisit it. Almost release it as new. It still applies!

My Story - Surviving Meningitis Three Times

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How Music Education Affects the Brain - Interview with Bill Burkhead

How I Start an Abstract Portrait in Acrylic - Sketching Techniques on Ca...

First Post

Here's to a first post!

Just wanting to link to our latest video here:

4 Tips for Creating a Masterpiece Relationship

More Soon!

-Shelly